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22October2019

Intimacy4us

Sensor yourself like this!

Is it possible to be so in tune with yourself and your emotions or behaviour that you can resist temptation?


The day you get married, you make a hefty and binding promise. It is by no means difficult, because you know it’s your dream husband and you will never really look at another man again! You don’t even think for a second that it will be challenge for you to remain faithful.
But as time goes by, the excitement surrounding your marriage dies down, and you realise that you do indeed have irritating habits. Along with all these things you and your colleague are forced to spend hours working together, he laughs at your jokes, encourages you as a result of your hard work and wow – it’s so nice to talk with him, because he understands you so well . . .
You may think that you will never be the other women – think again! Any adult can step into a pitfall of temptation and before you know it, you have already gone one step too far. You may only realise it once you have already crossed the line!

Monitor yourself like this:

You must ask yourself whether you feel closer to another man and that’s why you are taking the risk of entering into a relationship when:
• You realise that you make more of an effort with your wardrobe when you know you will see him. You dress a tad sexier or wear something that he previously complimented you on.
• You think a lot about him.
• You get excited when you have to make contact with each other – send messages or make phone calls, send emails or see each other physically.
• You often ask him for advice about decisions that you should make.
• You go to work earlier or walk past his office on your way to the fax machine.
• When you stay at work late or specifically get involved in projects that he is working on.
• You know you are both making a lot of eye contact and you experience a lot of meaningful looks between the two of you such as winking at each other.

You must ask yourself why you are behaving in such a manner or what you aim to achieve when you:

• Purposely flirt with another man, are playful or tease him in a naughty manner.
• Don’t want your husband to find any messages that you send him.
• Purposely don’t tell your husband if you and the other man do things together.
• Keep channels of opportunities open or available for something more to develop.

You must control your behaviour or feelings when you:

• Feel as if your body reacts and you get sexually excited when you think about the other man or when you see him.
• Start discussing more intimate issues with him (verbally or with any form of electronic communication) – your sex life, worries close to your heart, arguments with your husband, your husband’s weak points or your frustrations with him, your deeper emotions).
• Can talk with him for ages – especially about personal things.

All the above are signs that you are driving over a yellow light that will very soon turn red. You are already in the danger zone. Maybe your marriage is completely blissful, and you appreciate the loving feeling of butterflies that the above cause in your tummy. But maybe you are in fact accepting of the above because it is not going so well in your own marriage.

You must make the effort to find out why your marriage no longer excites you when one or both of you:

• Feel like you are no longer really listening to each other.
• Are bored with how you are having sex.
• Feel that you are not emotionally close enough to each other.
• Can’t handle most of each other’s habits any longer.
• Don’t feel satisfied in your relationship.
• Constantly criticise each other.
• Realise that you no longer have so much respect for each other.
• Realise that there is no longer any physical attraction between the two of you.

Be honest with yourself about your feelings and your experiences. Don’t think that you will never sway for these kinds of pitfalls. Any person likes being flattered, any person likes to be acknowledged and listened to – that’s our nature. Keep your eyes open for your own vulnerabilities . . .

If you see yourself in any of the above tick lists, it is wise to immediately do something about it. You know it now and can timeously prevent it before it even completely gets started. Stop it immediately by breaking all means of contact with the involved party and/or tell your husband about the brooding affair. If you can’t break all contact (because the person is for example a colleague) make it clear that you want to keep the relationship strictly professional and avoid any opportunities where the two of you will be alone together.

Also talk to your partner if the affair is an indication of unhappiness in your relationship. You know full well that affairs just end up causing heartache and if you are in a position to immediately put an end to it, use this one opportunity that you have to prevent it, before it is too late.